February 11, 2025

In Connecticut, a senator’s proposing a bill to force movie theaters to list movies’ "real" start time, fed up with ads and trailers. His next bill’s mission: speeding up blinking. (Business Insider)

President Trump, who plans to shut down the Department of Education, said the goal of his future education secretary is to "put herself out of a job." “That’s not how jobs wor—bah, who cares,” said a first grader. (Fox News)

In Nashville, the CEO of an AI weapon detection system blamed a high-school shooter’s location for the gun being undetected.  The CEO plans to sue the undetectable location for his lack of imagination. (Daily Mail)

In San Francisco, a city official justified a male nudist being arrested only after multiple complaints:

Officials hope this statement proves once and for all San Francisco isn’t soft on crime. (The San Francisco Standard)

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In Nashville, a school official explained that a high-school shooter evading the building’s $1 million AI weapon detection system was unpreventable:

The official went on to say, “You may die a horrible death, your flopping pancreas protruding out your fuming stomach, moments before meeting your maker. Or not, eh‘depends.” (Daily Mail)

A viral video sees Kid Rock leaving the stage after complaining the crowd wasn't clapping enough. The crowd said it was a simple misunderstanding: it didn't clap thanks to bug spray that repelled fruit flies usually following him.

Researchers have discovered specific brain cells that signal people to stop eating. The researchers said they could have never done it without the help of DJ Khaled’s wife. (Science Daily)