January 2, 2025

Scientists have created a new migraine drug that may start working right away. “Not on our watch,” said a lawyer for the Association of Tired New Moms. (real story)

In Vietnam, the owner of a dog meat restaurant died of complications with rabies. The Asian owner of a dog meat restaurant was then in an ambulance with a bad female driver who crashed into a bar where a priest, pastor and rabbi had walked into. (real story)

Commenting on her son not going to college, Melissa Joan Hart said it’s "a little strange to not be doing the typical, normal thing” but "I'm still hopeful that he'll go, but if he doesn't, that's OK." She ended with, “I’m not ashamed of his birth or nothing … hmm, what’s the opposite of my vagina threw up in its mouth a little? Anyhoo, that.” (real story)

Babies born January 1 of this year are part of what’s called Generation Beta. Census data shows its members are a bunch of cucks who wet themselves, can’t make it an entire night without crying and still s’weep with mommy. (real story)

In a recent interview, Fred Durst pointed out that fans misunderstood his hit Nookie, which wasn’t about sex but a heartbreaking romance. In fact, Durst is working on a romantic film that will explore a heroine’s thirst for multicultural harmony, titled “Liz Digs Nigs - part 7.” (real story)