January 20, 2025

During a Fox interview, Kid Rock called Michelle Obama “angry” for not attending President Trump’s inauguration. Insiders now reveal she’s seeking therapy to achieve mental stability and gun down beer. (real story)

.

.

.

.

.

Millionaire and Canadian at without a heart Kevin O’Leary says TikTok’s fate in the U.S. depends on it accepting his $20 billion offer. TikTok sources report O’Leary was outbid, by China’s appetite for your toilet cam porn history. (real story)

Medical specialists in emergency rooms have noted an increase in foreign objects having to be taken out of rectums. ‘I’m not an object!’ said TikTok’s CEO.

(real story here and here)

Alabama and Mississippi are the only 2 states who will today honor both Martin Luther King but also Confederate general Robert E. Lee, who fought to maintain slavery. While this may seem backward to some, the states’ understanding of nuance’s the best-case scenario involving an ‘n’ word. (real story)

A Cincinnati woman found buds of marijuana in her Burger King order. The news shocked many. “Wait, they don’t come together?” asked Snoop Dogg. (real story)

In New York, a serial arsonist set fire next to a sleeping subway passenger. Investigators are on the hunt for how people can sleep on NY subways. (real story)