January 22, 2025

Kennedy heiress and former Arnold Schwarzenegger wife Maria Shriver says she’s raised her sons to stand up as soon as she enters a room. Sources say it’s the best way she figured how to monitor their erections.

(real story)

Axios reports Republicans’ popularity has a growing list of Democrats reaching out to traditional conservative media. A conversation between 2 democrats sheds light on their insight.

DEMOCRAT A:

We can no longer be uppity, self-righteous pearl clutchers who treat every discomfort with the severity of a baby rapist’s sentencing!

DEMOCRAT B:

Exactly! I’ve been saying so for the past 10 ye—

DEMOCRAT A:

… we have to be that while also going on conservative shows!

DEMOCRAT B:

sigh

(real story)

Microsoft has announced rounds of layoffs, including in its security division.  No word yet on how this will affect its user base: people on Hotmail only to not jeopardize their Gmail account with Brazzers invoices. (real story)

A reporter casually asked a sitting U.S. president if he was a dictator to which President Trump answered just as casually, “No, I can’t even imagine being called that.” “Yeah, sums up life accurately,” said a couple making butterless popcorn on top of one of their burning grandfathers. (real story)

In the past week, Wendy Williams has done several media rounds to contradict her family’s public narrative that she’s mentally ill.

Shrouded in controversy, her medical status’s now clear thanks to a released conversation between her doctor and an assisting nurse:

 NURSE:

Doctor van der Sleuth!

DOCTOR VAN DER SLEUTH:

Yes?

NURSE:

I’m afraid Ms. Williams may actually be unwell… she’s gone to TMZ and had a conversation with the creator!

DOCTOR VAN DER SLEUTH:

Anybody could be convinced to go on, this is no sign of mental illness.

NURSE:

But she’s also shared details of her life publicly on The Breakfast Club!

DOCTOR VAN DER SLEUTH

Such are the ways of ‘show-business,’ I surmise.

NURSE:

And she tried to prove her sanity by going on Don Lemon’s podcast!

DOCTOR VAN DER SLEUTH:

“Sanity” … “on Don Lemon”??? DA’HO CRAZY!