January 8, 2025

Japanese bidet toilet maker, Toto, warned not to clean the seat with toilet paper to avoid damaging it. Asked three times how to handle a fragile douche, Elon Musk appeared. (real story)

Apple being set to pay $95M to settle a lawsuit over Siri spying has users celebrating. “First, I’ll have sex then do some Amazon shopping with this credit card number,” dictated a plaintiff into her phone diary. (real story)

A woman who journaled her drinking over this past year says she realized she wasn’t drinking as moderately as she thought. She concluded the responsible thing was to stop, now that she’s about to give birth. (real story)

A zookeeper was attacked to death by a lion while attempting to impress his fiancée. The impressed lioness gave her fiancée a congratulatory blowjob after. (real story)

As part of a 2024 wrap-up video compilation, Ivanka Trump posed in this swimsuit. The image showed a clear roadmap on how to separate church and state: the answer’s somewhere in the middle. (real story)